Well my heart is aching and has a empty little hole. I once again saw a healthy heartbeat of 143bpm then 3 days later a lonely unmoving little blob on the screen. The worst thing is i feel so alone and confused how could this have happened twice? to me i have 3 beautiful children already without knowing what i was doing and definatly not following the rules. I feel like i have gotten robbed or like god is mad at me. And I can't help but feel so sad when I see a Pregnant woman. All the things I always took forgranted in my other pregnancies i would give anything to feel again. I don't care about the weight gain or stretchmarks. I cant express the way i feel. I know i am meant to have another baby. I cannot shake the feeling that someone is missing at the dinner table. And whats worse we were going to try again in June but after talking to adam he told me he would be alot more comfortable if we were to wait a while. Which i can understand but i am impatient...so weighting till fall is going to be very difficult.
I dont know if anyone reads this at all but if you do and you believe in prayer, please pray that I find my first RN job soon and that God will give me the strength to be patient.
Thank you for listening.
